All my entries from my old open diary

Here are all of the entries from my old blog that I had on Open Diary. If you want to read them in proper format, then visit


Here goes, this will probably be totally unreadable!

Welcome - 4/8/2004



Well, this is my first entry in here. I've had blogs and online diaries before, but I've decided to start totally fresh because I don't want just another "this is what I did today" online diary. I want to do something a bit different where I can write all sorts of stuff.My name is Ash (Ashlee), I'm a first year undergrad studying a BA Communications (Journalism) at UTS. I did my HSC last year, and moved to Sydney for uni from the country two months ago. I live in student accomodation, sharing an apartment with 3 other people. I work part time at a coffee shop as well.Well, that's the boring part done.I'll probably write some of my observations on uni and sydney and all sorts of stuff in here soon. But this is probably good enough to start with I suppose. I hope I manage to provide some entertainment for whoever stumbles upon my blog...I suppose the title is a bit confusing.... who knows maybe I will change it soon. Basically it's just a bit of a joke on the whole idea of reality TV.... life is life, and TV is certainly not reality.



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Easter/Home - 4/13/2004



Well, I came home for Easter. Going back to "the country" is good.... life is Sydney is fun and exciting, but fresh air, quietness and good friends are great too. It was good to get back and see people from school and my family. I just hope it doesn't make me homesick when I go back to Sydney next week. In a way it has made me glad I didn't defer or anything... to see what people here are doing if they deferred uni... basically they are bored, it's too hard to find a full time job here, so they just bum around. Bumming around can be fun, but I wouldn't want to do it for a whole year...Anyway, that's about all I have to say at the moment. Pretty boring I know, but I'm back in the country now and not as much stuff goes on here lol.



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Bored - 4/16/2004



I am so bored at the moment... I feel like I should go out or something but everyone has moved on... I knew things wouldn't be the same here, but it still sucks a bit. I'm going back to Sydney on Monday and I have barely done anything. I actually kinda wanna go back to Sydney already (though my parents would be so offended if they heard that!). It's a bit depressing here for me at the moment and I'm not really quite sure why that is.The good thing about being back at home though is running in to everyone you know. That's one of the best things about living in a smallish place, you always see people and have a chat to them.I've been starting to think about a few things. When I get back to Syd I might try and get more involved in drama or music or dance again. I miss that. I also want to do some volunteer work or work experience in media/journalism. Hearing other people talk about the experiences they have had has made me realize that I really don't have any industry experience at all.Sometimes I worry that I will never find a job in the industry, just like I sometimes worry that I will never get a boyfriend... stupid I know, but it's true. In Sydney I just have heaps and heaps of acquaintences and no "best friends" like some of my high school friends.... but time and distance and everything are making some of us drift apart too. It makes me feel a bit lonely when I think about it...



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RYN: thanks for ur note & no, i wasn't fishin'..i just don't see why guys always choose her over me, so i wanted everyone's opinion...make sense?:) [Brittani]
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cool, im glad that ur doing ur journal stuff, i always wanted to be a photographer for a local paper... but that dream never did come true for me
but thanx for your note... t2y later... [down to earth_21]
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yea i know how you feel about the lonliness part of life... thats how im feeling now... and it sux severely... it seems that you can never find that rite person for you, once you thought you have, things go wrong... t2yl.. [down to earth_21]
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Back in Sydney - 4/20/2004




Well I'm back in the city.... I thought I might feel a bit homesick when I got back but I'm fine... I've gotta start research for one of my journalism assignments due next week...

The last day I was at home I got to see one of my best friends from primary school that I hadn't seen for many many years... it was cool... and it's funny in a way because by seeing someone you haven't seen for a long time you see how they have changed, and hence also notice the changes in yourself that you may not have noticed. It also makes you more aware of changes in your other friends....

Going home made me realize how much everyone has changed, or is changing... we are all spread out all over the place now, living in new environments, and when we all went back to our home town the changes that had taken place were quite apparent... not that everything had changed, or that the changes were bad or anything, but you do notice it.

Tomorrow I'm giving someone maths tutoring... I hope I remember maths, I haven't done it for 6 months... I actually miss it. I really want to double my communications degree with something else (probably science) now. I don't like having such a narrow education because I have always done really broad subjects.

Funny thing in the news this week... McDonald's CEO dying of a heart attack... not funny that he died of course, but a heart attack... hmm perhaps he ate too much maccas! Also, I say gooooooo to the dairy farmers protesting at Woolies over milk prices.... many of these big companies are bleeding the country dry, they should stand up, and get the city people to realize where their milk actually comes from.

UTS was on the news again.... they raised HECS of course... it was inevitable, but the protestors make me laugh... they are so idealistic, and I do definately agree with some of their principles and ideas, however they don't assess the practicality of what they demand to have implemented to any extent.... if they had their way, the university would be broke!! Who do they think will fund it? The government (ha!)... we all wish....

Anyway, I guess that's about all I have to say...

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hey,

stumbled upon ur diary... i'm from sydney and i've had lots of experience in the media industry particularly TV journalism.... feel free to mail me if u want to chat.... professorsnape007@hotmail.com
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City Flaneur - 4/25/2004




Since I got back to Sydney I have been doing a lot of walking around. Observing... watching... daydreaming. I want to get back to class, it's a bit lonely not having much to do and basically wandering around by myself. Walking around suburbs, like Glebe is kinda interesting. I love the old style houses, and I love seeing the blue water after being so used to the muddy brown of the Murray River. But the river was beautiful too, just different.

I feel a little bit lonely at the moment because I am sort of in between friends. My school friends live so far away, and I miss them. Many of them have changed and everyone has gone in their own direction. The people I am friendly with at uni aren't really friends yet. Maybe they will be in the future, but we know so little about each other at the moment that it's not as if I can just call them up on the weekend. Plus many of them are Sydneysiders who haven't lost contact with their school friends and hang out with them.

Last night I went and saw the film Strange Bedfellows, which was partially filmed in my home town. It made me laugh, it wasn't as bad a film as I was expecting, plus it was cool to see the familiar locations. That, along with seeing the Anzac Day parade (Anzac Day is very much celebrated in my family) and hearing that my sister has now taken over my bedroom, has made me feel homesick. I guess a lot of the gloss has worn off living in the city, with the realities of 6am starts at work and uni assignments. Plus the weather is starting to get cold. Plus I visited home, and then had to leave again. Hopefully this homesickness won't last long, it's not much fun.

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Hi, Just a random noter stopping by to say hi as a result of insomnia. Feel free to stop by my diary anytime. Have a great day!!!
<3
[Expen$iveLabelJunky ]
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Jo rdan! says...

omgz you live in australlia! Gooday Mate!
[jordan!]
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This is only a random note:Read it or Ignore it.

A diary of layout maker.

[:+HeavenlyLayout+:]
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happy anzac day. i remember the parades and stuff from when i was in nz last year [rebaderracsrias]
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the home sickness will go away, i sitll think bout it, but theres just alot of other things that you could do to get rid of it, hope things get better!! :) [down to earth_21]
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Almost Nineteen - 5/2/2004




Tomorrow is my 19th birthday.... its not going to be a big deal, just an ordinary day, so that will kinda suck. Its the first birthday I have ever had away from home. I hope some of my friends ring me or something, that would be a good enough present for me.

I've had a few problems with work lately not giving me enough hours. But they gave me good hours this week so hopefully it was only a temporary problem.

On Friday night we had the official opening of the student accomodation where I live and a formal dinner. It was a lot of fun, I had a really good time. We had a party back here in one of the rooms afterwards and it was so funny... it was a really good night with great (and free!) food, even free beer and wine. They had a dj and everything... lotsa fun.

Grrr I watched a tiny bit of Big Brother tonight... once again they have cast the same atypical group of under 25 years old bimbos and it will once again make for boring and inane television. The only good reality shows (Survivor, My Restaurant Rules) have a varied cast and that is what makes them interesting. A house full of people who have jumped right out of a Cosmo mag is not captivating TV.

Anyway thats my rant today.

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Happy early Birthday! Mine was Thursday, and I turned 18. So, you're basically a year older than me. I hope your friends give you a call, that really is all that matters sometimes. Well, remember to smile at least 15 times today, OK? Take Care

-Michelle [thinking1through10]
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Winter in the City and Winter in my Mind - 5/15/2004




Hi all... I haven't written in here for ages and ages and ages so I will rewind...

Back to my birthday... it was very uneventful. I spent the whole day feeling quite depressed... I had to work, I had to go to uni, I had an assignment due the next day to finish... it was the first time that my birthday hadn't really been special and it sucked... I guess it was my first "adult" type birthday... not much fun frankly.

Work has been screwing me around.... some weeks I get lots of hours, then most of the time I get barely any. It is really shitting me.

It's getting down to crunch time at uni with a lot of my major assignments due soon... I have no exams though this semester so I get to have 7 weeks holiday between semesters... it's such a long time, I dunno what I will do with myself.

I find myself missing the sense of fulfillment that I had at school. I always saw my friends, there were many ways for me to be involved in stuff, and I was somebody rather than a face amoungst thousands and thousands. I really need to find something to get involved in to make me feel fulfilled because at the moment I seem to be leading quite a fruitless and boring life.

I was very annoyed because I couldn't get a membership at the video shop and I needed to hire some DVDs for an assignment I have.

I went down to Blockbuster because I have to do a tute presentation on Tuesday on Film Noir and I needed to get some DVDs. So I ask the guy if I can be a member... he says you need 3 forms of ID so I get out my bank card, student card and drivers license. Then he refuses to let me be a member because the address on my drivers license is my home address and he thinks I will run away with his DVDs.I explain that I am living at university accomodation and hence have all my important mail sent to my home address etc. He is then like "we can't give you a card unless you get a signed letter from your college".... I'm like you can always track me down my family has lived at our house for a long time and they aren't moving anywhere. I would never steal your DVDs, but even if I was a person that stole DVDs you could always harass my parents and get them to pay my debts!!! But he is like no go away.So I get all huffy because I am very pissed off."Why did Sydney Uni allow me to join their library then? Aren't they afraid I will run off with their books because I live in the country? I don't understand why you won't let me join""I don't know why... books aren't as expensive as DVDs""Umm, some books are way more expensive than DVDs... anyway, so I can't join""Not until you get a signed letter from your college saying when you are leaving""Well, that's great I have an assignment due that I need to borrow a film for otherwise I can't do it. I didn't realize this would be so difficult. thanks anyway. "I storm out.So now I am pissed off because I need to borrow those films!!!!! I won't be able to get a letter from housing until Monday, and only on Monday if I am lucky.... grrr I am so pissed off. Very inconvenient.

Well, not much has been happening... it's getting cold, and cold makes me unmotivated to do much... now I'm just listening to Tori Amos on my MP3 player, all by myself on a saturday night :(

cyaz later.

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Hey! I'm glad that you finally wrote! I've been waiting for an update! I need to get going to work - so I hope you have a GREAT day! Remember to smile ok, make people wonder what you're up to! :) Take Care!

-Michelle [thinking1through10]
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Holidays! - 6/16/2004




Well, I'm on holidays! I have officially survived first semester.

It is only now that I realize how content I actually am in Sydney. Coming home for some time during the holidays has made me realize that I don't need to come home because I am happy in Sydney. It may not sound that way from some of the entries I write, but that's just because I usually write when I am down in the dumps. Writing is usually a cleansing process for me.

Anyway, I haven't written in here for a while. I was really busy at the end of the semester with all my essays and assignments I had due, so that is the main reason. Not much happened really to write about. Basically I was just doing essays and researching because I left so much work until the last minute!! One exciting thing happened though, and that was that I got a news story of mine published in a community paper. It was exciting to see my first byline!! Yay!!!

Now I'm back home not doing much. It's good to see my family and friends again but I miss the excitement of the city. The day before I left I stood at Circular Quay and looked at the bridge and the opera house and it made me realize how lucky I am to live in Sydney and to have the world at my feet. In that simple act of looking I gained a real sense of fulfilment. I get the same feeling when I go to the beach. It's so beautiful and vast and it fills me with hope and desire. The river here at home is beautiful too, and I think the river shows my path to the sea.

I saw the film Super Size Me the other day. Very interesting indeed. I saw it out of interest, because I thought the guy may have just made it to get his face on tv. But then I realized that maccas in the US is very different from maccas here in some ways. E.g. our large size chips is the small size in the US. We don't have supersized meals here, and our salads are actually healthy and don't contain excessive amounts of fat. But it made me worry about where we could head in the future.

I'm trying to lose weight at the moment (this is unrelated to the movie by the way!) because I want to be healthier so I can feel more like a young person than someone old before my time. I think I have lost a little bit of weight. Maybe I will try the kick start diet when I get back to Sydney... we will see. Its hard to diet in winter because it's so cold and you just feel like hot comfort food. But I'm going to try.

Anyway, that's all from me for the moment. I'll try and remember to write in here more regularly....

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thats cool, and i hope that you enjoy ur time at home, i know i will once i get there :)
well, ne way, catch ya later, and enjoy!

[down to earth_21]
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Hmmm - 6/22/2004




Hmmm I don't really have much to say but I felt I should write in here because I don't have much else to do.

It's funny how when you come back here you are glad to be home, but glad to have left. It's funny how even the act of leaving school changed friendships so much and how I have lost contact with a lot of people except my truest friends. It's so strange how I can be busy here without leaving the house where in Sydney my busy-ness is always a physical activity of going somewhere and doing something.

Another thing that is great here is how I can work far more hours in a week than I was in Sydney and still have more free time because I have way longer shifts...

Just a few things I have noticed lately.

There are so many things I want to do. I want to teach my own drama classes in Sydney and start my own little business because I will have my qualifications soon. I also want to tutor more instead of working in food. But I still need a more permanant job because I am not sure if I can make enough money through these things. Another thing I would love to do would be to make things and sell them at markets on the weekend, however I would really need a car and a sewing machine to do that and at the moment I have neither!

I guess I will just go back to working some crappy job.

When I go back to Sydney I want to join the music society at uni because I have barely played my flute for ages and I want to belong to something again and I don't want to lose my skill at playing the flute. I just hope that whatever job I end up doing doesn't clash with the rehersals.

Anyway, I don't really have anything contructive to say.... hmmm... nope I don't indeed, so on that note I will end this rambling entry that doesn't really say anything at all!

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Problem Flatmate - 9/28/2004




I apologize for the excessive use of curse words in this entry, but I am so damn pissed off and I need to vent so badly!!

Fuck one of my flatmates is pissing me off.... I just need to vent!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHH I AM SO PISSED OFF I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SHE MOVES OUT IN MARCH NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRGGHHHH!!!!­ !

Here is why I am so pissed offffff!!!!

1. She doesn't clean the dishes properly or dry them. She sticks them in the cupboard when they are soaking wet. My other flatmates were shitty about this too- so me and one of my other flatties wrote a list of "kitchen rules" and put them on the wall.... she didn't even frigging read them cos it has made no difference....2. She puts oil, soy sauce and shit in the rubbish bin so when you go to empty it the shit goes all over the floor. I have had to wash the bin out 4 times this week it's fucking ridiculous.... this was also mentioned in the kitchen rules but once again it has not improved. The other day (cos her and her friends... who I will get on about later.... never empty the bin and just jam it full with rubbish) I went to empty the bin and there was rubbish all through the cupboard and then when I lifted out the rubbish bag it was so full that all her filthy stinking rubbish went all over the floor and I had to clean it up.. ARGGGGHHHH!3. Her friends are always over here cooking. Like about 5 of them. They take up our whole kitchen, so when I want to make a sandwich before going to work, or when I come home from work at 11pm and want something to eat, they are always in the kitchen (which is very small anyway) and I can't get in to get what I want. Plus they never speak English.... they might say "Hi Ashlee" and then go on talking in Malaysian as if I wasn't even in the room. I'm not racist or anything because my last flatmate was Chinese and she was cool, it's just this girl and her annoying friends!!!!! They buy enough food for the 5 of them and store it in our one regular sized fridge/freezer so me and my other two flatmates can barely get any of our stuff in the fridge.4. She doesn't refrigerate some stuff.... like she will cook her dinner (in my saucepan) and then she will dish out what she wants, and leave the rest on the stove top overnight, then turn the stove on the next day and just reheat it. Sometimes she will reheat the same food 3-4 times. Plus, she then doesn't wash the dishes properly... she's going to fucking kill us with that shit in summer.... once again this was in the kitchen rules not to do this but she ignored it totally. Plus, I only have one saucepan and when she leaves shit in it, I can't cook my dinner!5. Yesterday morning I walk out (quite hungover I might add) and there is one of her friends in our flat... apparently he is staying over for a few days and she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. She told my other flatmates when he arrived. I mean, I don't care that he is staying for a couple of days, she just should have told us out of common courtesy.

I mean, sometimes I work up to 32 hours a week, while going to uni full time, and I can't even use my own fucking kitchen, even late at night or at lunch time. And I can't try and explain stuff to her because her grasp of spoken English is very poor. Man, sometimes her friends are here in our apartment cooking or watching my flatmate's tv in the lounge when she isn't even here!!!! I pay the rent for christs sake!!!!!!!!!!!! I just get so angry. I have to work for the next few days so I wanted to prepare a few salads so that they are ready to eat when I go to work or get home, but I walk in to the apartment this arvo and there is a full shopping trolley from coles in the middle of our extremely small lounge room and her friend, and there are about 3 huge pots and my saucepan on the stove and they are trying to shove stuff in to the already over full fridge and they are cooking.... this is at 3 in the afternoon.... so when I want to cook something tonight all the pans will be dirty, or half full of food sitting on the stove. It takes every ounce of self control not just to throw her food out.... but when it gets hot in summer, we will have to start doing that. We try and explain, she doesn't get it. We need a frigging translator.

It just shits me so much, I'm almost tearing my hair out! You can imagine after say a 55-60 hour week (work and uni) how frustrating it is when I can't even cook or access my food.

Any suggestions.... I just feel like throwing a mega temper tantrum and swearing at her but that will just make things worse and then I will be the bad guy instead of how I try and be really nice. I also hate being in the flat when all her friends are here.... I just keep in my room because it's so weird and awkward.... and when I have uni work to do it's near impossible with all of the prattling on, crashing around the kitchen and playing shitful music.

Somebody say something that will make me feel less enraged, please??

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHH HHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wow! Hang in there girl! Don't kill her, then you would have more things to worry about than this. Roommates can push you over the edge, and I know this. You just have to calm down, first off, and then you need to attack the problem. My best advice would be to sit her down, and make her listen to you. The kitchen rules thing is a good idea, but it obviously is not affecting her. That is... [cRaZyN'cOnFuSeD]
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... the thing, some people basically need to be slapped in the face with stuff for them to realize that it is being directed towards them. Chance is, she hasn't even looked at the "kitchen rules" because she doesn't think that she is causing a problem. Sit her down, explain that you have had enough, you pay rent as well, and that this shit needs to stop. Hopefully, she will understand, I ... [cRaZyN'cOnFuSeD]
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... don't know about that situation. You might have to get a little bitchy during all of this, but make sure that you get your point across. Good luck, and I will be cheering for you! [cRaZyN'cOnFuSeD]
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Working at the Circus! - 10/19/2004




I haven't really written much in here at all, and I can't believe I haven't written about the absolutely awesome job I have had for the past 2 months... I've been working in Food and Beverage at Cirque du Soleil's Quidam. It's been an awesome job, I've met so many great people from all over the world.... and I love telling people I work at a circus because the funny looks they give me are totally priceless!!!!

But, tragically, I only have three more shifts left before the circus rolls out of Sydney :(. I'm going to miss it so much, it's the best job I've ever had (not that I have had that many jobs, but still!)!!! I'm at cirque more than I'm at uni lately. Plus the pay is tops...

It's been a job where so much funny stuff has happened that I couldn't possibly relay it all ina single (or even multiple) diary entries.... but here is a brief summary that will leave you questioning what actually went on there, but it makes sense to me and anyone else that worked at Quidam Sydney.

Gay bars, icecreams, clown hats, $5 water, cirque kitchen food (trying to make lunch as light as possible), seeing the sun rise on Oxford St, brownie points program, funny people, clowns, german wheel, famous people (Linda Evangelista, Matt Damon, Monica Trapaga and kids, Henry from Home and Away, Moira from GMA, Sam Neil, Backyard Blitz team including Jamie Durie... there's more), very cool supervisors and Adecco folk (Jen, Mark, Luc, Jase, Sharon, Megan... there were more, there were lots of cool people), optus scratchies, cool ushers, cool f&b people, cool merch people, cool performers and clowns, cool VIP people.... random cool people.... funny customers, axel from video hits wearing my hat.... parties, raunchy in red, parties and well.... "are there toilets inside", "$5 for water, that's outrageous"... "I like your hats".... "are these programs free".... "do we need to buy tickets to see the show".... parties.... diabolos, juggling and flower sticks.... shoplifter, drunk people.... very cool accents....all around crazyness!!!

You could imagine how long it would take me to explain all of that stuff in depth, so that stream of conciousness summary will have to suffice!!!!! But it's been so awesome and I am sad that they are leaving because I have heaps of friends there and I hope we all stay in touch!!!! :(

I will leave you with the song Quidam..... which incidentally is my ringtone at the moment which shows how much of a circus freak I have become!!!!! And tragically, I know most of the words to this song as well!!!!

Your world is yours, not mine, Quidam.

Your dreams are yours.

You may have touched the stars but they weren't moved.

And if you reach for me I may not choose to hold your hand

I might smile or I might turn away.

An ordinary man, Quidam, I'm every man, I'm any man.

Quidam, Quidam,

la nuit recule.

D'un reve a l'autre tu valses.

Du creux de toi

c'est bien le mal

qui dresse tes silences.

BTW, Quidam is a latin word for anonymous passer by.... the lonely person in a crowded room.... the person you don't know.... the man on a street corner waiting to cross....

How Quidam am I today!!!!

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Missy Higgins and John Howard - 10/19/2004




I bought Missy Higgins' CD "The Sound of White" the other day and it is totally awesome. Every song on it is great. I can't even pick favorites because I love the whole thing.... if you like Tori Amos/Sarah McLaughlin type sounds, then check Missy out because her CD is awesome! It's cool too because she is Aussie, so it has a kind of Aussie sound to it.... so support Australian artists! I was so rapt she got an ARIA award because she deserves it.

/End of Missy Higgins praise

/Start John Howard rant

Even though this is quite a delayed rant, I just thought I would express my pissed-off-ed-ness (journalistic word lol!!) about John Howard's reelection.... in the words of those awesome guys from the Chaser, Australia has voted overwhelmingly for change- to a one party system!!!

Here's a letter to the editor that I wrote that got published in my local paper:

Well done, people of Farrer (Farrer is my electorate by the way), on helping to make John Howard our dictator rather than our Prime Minister. With control of the House of Representatives and the Senate, the Howard government is going to be able to pass legislation without any other political party able to block it. This will only have a negative impact on rural and regional Austral ia.

The Liberal government will probably push through the full privatization of Telstra this term, which will be hugely detrimental to communications services in rural areas. The costs of operating in rural Australia far outweigh the profits… so why would a fully privatized Telstra want to spend their money in the bush?

The costs to regional universities will be huge. Universities in Albury will struggle due to a lack of government funding, coupled with the fact that regional universities don’t receive the amounts in research grants or full fee paying international students that the city universities do. Regional universities are also reluctant to increase their HECS by 25%, because they are concerned this will lead to a decline in the number of students wishing to attend them. Universities inject a large amount of money in to Albury’s economy, so this will impact on the community as a whole.

Not to mention that Howard seems to have some sort of vendetta against our apparently “values neutral” public schools… who knows what the consequences will be for regional public schools in the future.

And am I the only person that feels that saddling young Australians with a massive amount of debt before they even enter the full time workforce is not a good policy for the future of our country? But I guess it makes future voters gullible to Liberal party scare tactics, so maybe it does serve a purpose.

I am one young Australian who is highly concerned about the ramifications of this election result. I fail to see how the newly elected Senate and House of Representatives can function in a democratic way, and frankly it scares me.

Anyway, that's enough political ranting from me today.... I will rant more when Howard's policy allow me to go :"I told you so".... and why don't people understand that interest rates are set by the reserve bank, not the government? Grr!

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You have no idea how much i agree with you. With john howard the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. if hecs fees rise the only thing its going to do is deter people from going to university. Its blooby ridiculous. The only good thing that Joh howard has done is bring in the $3000 baby bonus
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Sorry, i forgot to sign my note. Im the one that wrote about the baby bonus and the poorer getting poorer etc [Frenzymia]
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What was the alternative ? An opposition that failed to submit it's promises to treasury for full and complete costing ? How well is NSW travelling under Labor ?
Sometimes the Devil you know is the only choice we have ...........
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Au Revoir Cirque du Soleil - 10/24/2004




Yesterday was my last shift with Cirque du Soleil :(

I had so much fun working there, it was really sad to finish up... there were hugs all around :(

As stupid as it sounds, I had far more friends and people I got along with really well at the circus than at uni housing or even uni... I guess it was because I spent so much time there.

But, when I was talking to someone about it all, I made the point that if I wasn't sad to leave, then that would mean I hadn't had a good experience... if you are sad for leaving people, it is better off that you knew them rather than never knowing them because they have obviously been a positive and enriching part of your life... but it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye... especially since a lot of them are from overseas so it is a rare chance that our paths will ever cross again.... unless I go and work for cirque in Auckland, which I am still considering :)

But I had so much fun there.... now I can focus on uni again, because it was such a big distraction. I will always have lots of good memories from working there, and it's a story to tell as well... working at a circus is something out of the ordinary, and I don't want to live an ordinary life!!!!

They are tearing down the tents and stuff today, and it is raining! The poor things :( I wish the weather wasn't so miserable for them!!!

I have a friend from home coming to stay with me this week so that should be heaps of fun.... maybe it will help ease my grieving of the circus!!!! And then I have lots of essays to write.... I've only got a few weeks left at uni and then I am going home for a while for xmas and stuff.... and then who knows what I will end up doing... maybe Auckland?

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Procrastinating - 11/3/2004




Argh I have so many essays due next week.... and so little motivation... I've written about 800 words of one of them.... that means I still have about 7000 words to write, not including the research I haven't done yet!!!

So naturally, I'm writing in here to procrastinate.

I'm also annoyed at myself... there was a guy I liked where I used to work and I'm kicking myself for not really giving any indication of it... I'm hopeless with all of that stuff... signs and signals.... I'm just totally clueless.

Only a week and a bit left of uni for the year! Yay!! I'm going to go home for a while, though I'm not sure what awaits me there, and then I am not sure what I will do next with myself. I feel so flighty lately (I think that's why I'm having added difficulty sitting down and writing my essays).... I think it's because since moving to Sydney for uni, nothing has been concrete and nothing has lasted.... some of my friends from housing have moved out, in uni I have different friends each semester depending on who is in my tutorials... I change jobs frequently. Sometimes I yearn that stability I had at home, but sometimes I love the way that my life is so up in the air and ever changing.

I think because I have to shift between two worlds so often (sydney and home) I don't want to slip in to normality in either of those worlds because I don't want to have to abandon one or the other. If that makes any sense at all...

I haven't been home for months and months now and in a way going back will break the normality I have had for the past few months in Sydney....

Basically, I want excitement with some elements of stability but everything is up in the air so I am flighty and a little bit indifferent (especially to uni work) lately...

Maybe I should just stop writing in here and write my damn essays!!!!!