Shorthand from hell

We have to do a Teeline shorthand course at work. Three hours once a week, a group of us young journos are crammed into a meeting room around a little crowded table to learn how to write quickly. Our teacher says we are the worst group we have ever had. Especially the girls... apparently we just sit around looking pretty. She also thinks that many of us may be dyslexic or stupid, and she has told us this on multiple occasions. A colleague of mine was called "ridiculous" in the first week, and at this weeks lesson we were all labelled "disgusting" and "a disgrace".

For our teacher, shorthand is a way of life. She even seriously recommended that we practice shorthand while driving... I kid you not. "Look at the street signs and think about how you would write them in shorthand" she said. Parramatta Rd... pedestrian on windscreen... accident... ambulance. How would I write that in shorthand? Maybe I could write my insurance details down in shorthand for whoever I ran in to, I'm sure they would appreciate that.

We are also apparently supposed to practice shorthand for several hours a day. In fact, our teacher vouches that if we read our shorthand book on the bus, people will approach us because we will be cool and they will think it is cool that we know shorthand. The only people that approach each other and talk on the bus are either nutters or someone trying to steal your wallet/ipod/phone while distracting you. I don't want to attract these people by reading squiggles in public.

She also actively encourages us to go home and show our shorthand to mum and dad, who will apparently be impressed. This goes down really well with a group of cynical young professionals in their early or mid 20s. We really appreciate being patronised. The beauty and lifestyle writers are particularly disgruntled at having to waste their time at a shorthand class. As one girl beautifully put it; "Why do I need to know this? I write about handbags and lip gloss."

The irony is that learning something that is supposed to save time is really wasting me a lot of time. Time that I doubt I will ever get back. When I get back to the office I have a backlog of phone calls and stuff to tee up. The sad thing is that my own pride will not allow me to suck at shorthand and bomb out on the speed test, so I feel like I should actually practice it at some point. *sigh* It only goes until July....

It seems like shorthand is some sort of right of passage passed on from the old days of newspapers when stories were clanged out on typewriters and nobody went to university. You have to learn it, but then barely anybody actually uses it. Ask most editors or high up journos if you need shorthand and they will say "oh yeah it's really important", ask them if they actually use it and they will often answer "no" or "not much". I can see it would be important for court reporting and stuff like that, but it's just such a chore...